3 Cup Woes

Hello, everyone!

First I'd like to say thank you for this community. It's the reason why I'm trying and have continued to try to master these things.

Secondly, I'd like to say that I'm discouraged. :-\

I bought the Organicup last month and tried to use it for last month's period. I struggled getting it inside, and when I finally did get it inside it felt slightly uncomfortable. I was able to fall asleep with it one night and when I woke up the next morning it was so far inside me I had to "bear down" for so long and so hard, I peed on my hand trying to get the damn thing out (at least I know my muscles were fully relaxed, right?) It's funny now, but I was in such a freaking panic trying to get it out. Once I did get it out, my insides hurt like a m*therf*cker. Excuse my language, but I was doubled over in pain for 30 minutes cursing the organicup and every other cup I had yet to try. It was pretty bad. I was in tears. I realized later that not breaking the seal is bad. I stayed away from the cup the rest of that period.

Fast Forward to now-- I realize I have particularly high cervix (or so I thought) and I bought a JuJu cup and a Lily Cup 2 a couple of days ago thinking the length would be a better fit. They arrived today and I have been trying all evening to make them work. The Lily cup is really soft and I think might be too long? I can't get it to slide all the way inside. Yes, I checked the height of my cervix. I can't feel it with my longest finger...but my fingers are very short (I'm 5'0'') so there's that. 

I was able to get the JuJu cup in with the origami fold in the shower after several attempts. I can just barely get it past my pubic bone before it opens up. That's too low because it presses right against my urethra and I feel like I have to slow pee. *ugh.* I tried to "kegel" it up and it didn't seem to move much. The sensation that I needed to pee was too much so I removed it. Miraculously there was blood in the cup! I guess I did something right, but I just don't know how to get it a little higher. Can it go any higher?? I don't even know.

I know for a fact that I tense way too much when I try to insert any cup. I can't help it. I think I may have vaginismus (not just because of my cup trials but also previous experience with impending penetrating sex). I just have a hard time relaxing. I've been able to use tampons for the past 7 years and worked myself up from Tampax Lites to Ultras over that time. I don't know what my problem is with getting the cup in and getting it to open/stay put/feel comfortable. I've purchased 3 cups for a combined $100 and I am ready to give up. Maybe I'll feel differently tomorrow, but I am just so defeated right now. 

Thanks for listening.

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