I suffered childhood sexual abuse, both overt and covert. As a result, I found it was impossible to insert anything. I was especially downtrodden about this when I had met my now husband and we couldn't have sex. It even hurt him to try to have sex with me, the muscles would spasm so hard. No gynaecologist could help me. Almost none of them even knew what vaginismus was. The advice I received never went beyond `use dilators' and `get really drunk'. I have a severe alcohol intolerance, so this advice was useless.
So I did buy dilators. First these horrid, stiff, plastic ones. I remember they were highly unpleasant to use. Then I moved on to silicone ones, which were much softer. I made limited progress and it was very slow and painful. I cried a lot.
I went to another gynaecologist about it. I had to get a pap smear. It is still one of the worst memories of my life. She lied to me. She said she would go slowly and that, if it hurt, she would stop and we could try again another time. Instead, she went through with everything for what felt like a long and agonising hour, while I cried and shook. I felt like she had stuffed broken glass inside me. I sweated so much from the pain, the paper towel on the bed stuck to me as I tried to get up. As if it wasn't humiliating enough.
From then on, I could no longer get the same size dilator in as before. I was stuck at the smallest one. I had already bought a menstrual cup at some point, feeling I had made a lot of progress before, but that was never going to happen now.
I became so desperate, I even had an operation. After that, there was some progress, but it still felt like sex or using a menstrual cup was impossible. It would never happen in my lifetime. I still had bursts of faith and even bought a softer menstrual cup in the hope it would contribute, but I could never get it in.
It was not until I discovered Vagi-wave that things began to change. It's a tool made by a team of women and all I had to do was use it for the three weeks I am not on my period. I just had to have it inside me while sleeping and it would work. I had already tried everything and they had plenty of testimonials and legitimate sounding science behind it... I had nothing to lose apart from money. I already knew I could insert the smallest dilator, which was larger than this object, so I bought it.
I did use it for a lot longer than one set of three weeks, but I am not surprised considering my history. However, eventually I found the spasms simply didn't come any more. I had my first completely pain-free pap smear. I successfully inserted and used my second menstrual cup with no problems. I was finally able to have my husband inside of me without feeling like my body was about to be torn in half. This tiny silicone tool has done what dilators, an operation and countless gynaecologists could not: it has CURED me! I am so happy and relieved, despite still having a few more steps to take. If anyone out there is suffering from vaginismus and no one has been able to help you, I highly recommend trying Vagi-wave.