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13 June 2013 @ 12:38 pm
Hello! I am a 25 year old female (virgin). Some background: I've been using tampons for 12 years, I have a fairly light flow, and I've never been able to touch my cervix that I'm aware of, so I think it's fairly high up. I've been interested in menstrual cups since I found out about them when I was 17...and I even used this site! I ordered a diva cup in 2005 and I remember trying to put it in the first time and being very intimidated by it. I was so uncomfortable that I decided "heck no, I'll just use my tampons for a few years until I lose my virginity". I was nervous about it hurting. Well...fast forward 8 years now and I'm still a virgin, and I don't want to wait forever to switch over. I haven't had too many relationships and I have fairly traditional values sexually, but I do think *part* of the reason I'm still a virgin is because I haven't gotten over my discomfort with my vagina and the fear of pain. I know that my hymen is definitely still present as I've looked with a mirror and when I spread my legs the hymen is completely blocking the entrance to my vagina. I've only had 2 pap smears and both of them were very painful. I think this has somewhat scarred me.....my first one when I was 21 had me going "oh God oh God" just to get through it, and the doctor specifically told me to make sure I lubed up when I had sex.

I have a small Lunette Selene that I ordered a few weeks ago. I was not that intimidated by it and I tried one dry run and with a little lube and the Lunette slid in fairly easily using the punch down fold, but when it was time to let go it felt very uncomfortable, and I immediately panicked and took it out. It was barely inside the entrance to my vagina so it still hadn't popped open when I took it out but I'm not sure why it felt so uncomfortable.

Today is the first day of my period and I feel like I"m back to square one. I really want to feel comfortable with my vagina but I just don't. I've had less success than I did with my dry runs. I think I'm probably clenching my muscles even though I'm trying to relax. The idea of pushing the cup far enough in to let go is freaking me out....and I'm nervous about having to take it out later since I've read so many posts about removal being painful. I finally just put it a tampon, feeling like a wimp, but relieved because tampons for me are so quick and easy.

I feel bad because I thought at the age of 25 I would be more comfortable with myself. There are 14 year olds on here!
 
Kai: 2Cupskuradi8 on June 13th, 2013 07:51 pm (UTC)
Next time, after you go pee, insert your finger and feel around.

At the bottom, toward the front, you'll feel the bulge of your pubic bone.

Above that, there's a muscle that circles the opening known as your PC or pelvic floor muscle. You can contract and relax that voluntarily. Try doing both. Being able to do so on command will help you a lot with tampon and cup use as well as inserting things (whether or not they're attached to anyone else) for pleasure.

And then above that is the rest of your vagina, which is kinda like an un-inflated long balloon. Your cervix is probably more toward your belly-button than the small of your back.

http://www.the-clitoris.com/ is a very good site about female anatomy and what to do with it. WARNING: The photos there are VERY FRANK, "up close and personal" and leave NOTHING to the imagination. There also happens to be R and X rated advertising so don't go there if you think you'll be offended and be very careful about who might suddenly peer over your shoulder when you do.

There is lots of good advice at the virginity tag and an excellent Guide for Virgins at the community FAQ. Nearly everyone here is an enthusiastic cup user. If we can do it, so can you. ;o) Gather your courage, TAKE YOUR TIME and give it a try. It's OK to put your cup away if you're too anxious. Try again another time.
lunarn on June 13th, 2013 08:10 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the response. I am about to get my RN license so I am actually not that squeamish about the human body, only my own I guess! I've actually seen childbirth so I am aware of how amazing the vagina is and what it is capable of! That being said, I do need to familiarize myself more with my own anatomy and try to gain some more confidence....I think I am actually more nervous about "letting go of it" and then having to get it out than actually inserting it.
Kai: 2Cupskuradi8 on June 13th, 2013 08:29 pm (UTC)
If you still have your Diva, start with that. If it's "too long" for you then at least it will be easy to reach. ;o)

Don't worry about whether or not it opens. Just try inserting and removing it at first. If it's a dry run, be well-lubricated first. When you're both physically and mentally OK with that, then move on to opening it. Divas have tiny little anti-suction holes, sometimes it helps to enlarge them. (1.5-2mm dermal or 11-12g piercing punch?) And then try it for real -- with either cup. Start off at home until you've gotten though the learning curve and learn to trust it, then venture out.

You're right, anxiety is holding you back more than anything else. If you're afraid it will hurt, you will clench up and yes, it probably will. If you're confident and relaxed, you'll feel and fear it less and less each time. :o)
lunarn on June 13th, 2013 09:40 pm (UTC)
I can't find my diva :( Thanks for the advice though. I will try to take it slowly and update.
Kai: 2Cupskuradi8 on June 14th, 2013 01:51 pm (UTC)
I've been thinking about this some more and since you're OK with tampons, what if you got more comfortable with inserting other things? They don't have to be vibes/dongs -- just something non-porous that you can wash easily. Like a hairbrush handle, etc? Start with something narrow and move on to wider as you feel more confident.

It's not going to be "That feels (Screaming-O) fantastic!" every time. But the idea is to reassure yourself that penetration doesn't have to hurt. A neutral response is good enough. And if it becomes pleasurable then GREAT! You'll eventually find shapes and sizes and textures that you'll like.

But in this case, you just want to be confident that inserting and removing your cup will be easy and painless.
kayaker12 on June 18th, 2013 02:23 am (UTC)
Along those lines, have you ever used a tampon without an applicator? It could be a good intermediate step. When I first got my cup, I was sure there was no way it would ever fit inside me, but I realized that using an origami fold, it wasn't much wider than a tampon. Mentally, that made it much easier for me to slide it in.
lunarn on June 18th, 2013 06:23 am (UTC)
Thanks for the suggestion. I've actually been using OB tampons since I was 14! I think what worries me is that the cup will pop open before its inserted, or be really difficult to get out, both of which sound painful. I just need to work up the courage to relax and go for it. I'm gonna give myself more time.
curlydevacurlydeva on June 13th, 2013 08:07 pm (UTC)
Don't be discouraged the great thing is a cup will wait for you. I was 29 and scared to use Tampons and I had two kid so I understand. I was forced to use a tampon due to a cat scan that required a tampon in place to see my cervix. Wish I had of known about cups then but I was freaked out. Have you tired stretching your hyman using lube and your finger? My daughter she just used lube and pop the cup in and let it go. She said it did hurt that way because her hyman broke but she has been a cup user every since. Never used tampons. I say try stretching your hyman until you are comfortable putting the cup in and letting it go. That may have not been much help but stay encouraged. Hugs to you.
lunarn on June 13th, 2013 08:11 pm (UTC)
You are so sweet. Thank you. You and your daughter are both very encouraging.
ginny587ginny587 on June 13th, 2013 11:35 pm (UTC)
Any discomfort you feel from the cup will be NOTHING like a pap smear. I'm also a virgin, and have suffered through two excruciatingly painful smears to the point where my doctor has stopped doing them for the time being. I was panicked about how much my cup could hurt when I first used it, and it was a little twingy, but definitely nothing like the smears (even with an intact hymen). So relax-it will be just fine!
I am also 25, and my boat is fairly similar to yours. No worries about the fact that there are youngins on here-everyone figures their stuff out at different times and ages. Doesn't make us lame. Life would be boring if everyone was the same. Stay calm and keep trying and let us know when you do so there can be virtual high fives! =]
lunarn on June 14th, 2013 12:02 am (UTC)
That is so reassuring. Could you give me some tips for painlessly removing it? I think that's what I'm nervous about.
ginny587ginny587 on June 14th, 2013 01:38 am (UTC)
Try to be in a squatting position so that the cup won't have a long way to travel (I did this in the bathtub for a while). Use the stem to find the base (bear down and push-like you're giving birth to the cup-if it traveled up until you can reach it). Pinch the base to release the suction, and pull it out while pushing. As it comes out you can pinch it in half to make it smaller. It actually comes out *really* quick as long as you keep moving.
Sometimes my cup doesn't quite want to fold as I pull it out. Even if it starts to pinch, don't let it stop you-keep moving and it will all be over in a second. Even when I can't get the cup to fold up a ton I wouldn't say it hurts. You'll probably even have an easier time than me as your cup is more narrow (blasted high cervix/heavy flow).
The plus side is the more you do this, the more of a routine you'll fall into AND the more your body will adjust to it, so it can only get better.
trejoytrejoy on June 14th, 2013 01:54 am (UTC)
Exhaling helps relax your muscles. When I used stiffer cups (the Keeper was a bear!) I tried to remember to exhale instead of holding my breath while removing.
lunarn on June 14th, 2013 02:04 am (UTC)
Okay guys! You have been great. I am going to work up the courage and try to go for it sometime soon. I will update when I do!
lizsterineglizsterineg on June 14th, 2013 07:14 am (UTC)
I had the same issue when I was learning to use my cup (I was 30 at the time). I was scared to let it go and pop thinking the cup would whoosh up cartoon like never to be reached again.

I determined it was because I'm not just that comfortable with my anatomy, so I put the cup aside for the month and just did some self exploration in the shower until next month when I felt a little more comfortable. It helped me a lot.

If you feel you aren't comfortable with yourself, I would suggest to give yourself time to get comfortable without the cup first, and then try again next time.

Good luck! You'll get there.

lunarn on June 18th, 2013 06:24 am (UTC)
Thank you, that is my plan.