?

Log in

No account? Create an account
I need help! I recently purchased a DivaCup Model 1 and cannot seem to figure it out. I have read post after post and do not know what I am doing wrong.

I am 23, I'm not a virgin, I've never had a child, I am 4' 9" tall and weigh 93 pounds. Although I am not a virgin I have a very tight vagina, the gynecologist has to use a small speculum (pretty sure that is the right word) instead of the regular. Just to give perspective getting two fingers in is a tight squeeze.

Inserting the DivaCup hurts, I have tried many different folds and all of them hurt. Not only does it hurt to insert but removing hurts just as much if not worse! I tried to get it right for 30 minutes this morning and was so sore and felt so sick I gave up. I have managed to get it in but when I go I cannot for the life of me turn it whatsoever. It doesn't move once it is in. I have to use so much strength just to insert and remove that I am exhausted. What hurts the most is it hitting against my other hole (whatever it is called that you pee out of) when inserting and removing.

I have yet to try wearing it for more than a few minutes since I cannot get it in correctly. I have heard to find your cervix and read up on it, I must have short fingers because I cannot find my cervix.

Any help would be much appreciated! I don't want to give up, but I also don't want to hurt myself trying to use this. I have heard you can't be too small, so I'm guessing I'm not.



UPDATE: I tried this morning by laying down, I didn't rush, and I got it in!!! Thank you so much for all the help! I hope taking it out goes as smoothly this evening. Tomorrow is going to be my first actual day that isn't just spotting and usually one of my heaviest, so it's doubtful I will be able to do it the way I did today without making a mess...sigh...so hopefully it goes well. Thanks again!
 
teacupcake89 on March 27th, 2013 08:15 pm (UTC)
Hello!

Let me just say that 'tightness' is a function of your pelvic floor muscles that you need to relax for insertion and removal. Personally, one lubed up finger is all I manage but I can use my 'large' fleurcup with no problems!

also your height and weight are irrelevant, neither reflect how long/short/wide/narrow your vagina is :)

if you haven't tried using some lube or coconut oil (on yourself not the cup) then that's yout first option: using a cup is almost impossible for me otherwise! you can also try wetting the cup with water/hot water to soften it slightly.

many others will probably chime in with this but IGNORE the crappy instructions that came with your Diva! there is no 'need' to turn or twist the cup once it's in place (unless it helps you in that case go ahead). for me, and others twisting would break any seal going on! twisting, tugging on the stem etc all only a couple of ways to check the seal, not the only ones!

once it's in (if the cup slants to one side, don't worry and try to 'straighten' it as it's probably leaning towards your cervix) chck the cyp has opened up by running a finger around the base of the cup, you'll be able to tell if it feels open or not, if part is still folded then wiggle.move it around or press one side of the vagina away to let air in to open it up.

try different positions to make insertion easier such as squatting, leaning against the door, siting on the edge of the bath, lying down on the bed etc. squatting shortens the vagina and makes it less likely to have contact with the urethra.

for removal try to partially refold the cup and remove diagonally one corner at a time.

it WILL get easier with practice and perseverance! the learning curve is called a learning curve for a reason but once you get the knack you'll be a pro and answering newbie questions in no time!
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 08:31 pm (UTC)
How tight I am is with me relaxed, that is how small it is everyday without trying to insert the cup :( Sex and going to the doc are both difficult because of how small the opening is. The skin always breaks and bleeds every time.

I have a lot of natural discharge so I am not dry at all, so I haven't considered using any type of lube since I'm already so wet.

Thanks for the no-twisting instructions! That makes things easier already.

Oh I see, I did notice that it went to one side and I was trying to make it straight. Next time I will definitely not try to move it to the middle.

I have tried squatting and I have tried with one leg on the tub. Having one leg up on the tub was more successful than squatting.

That could be my problem with removing...I have been squeezing it but removing it all at once!!!

Thanks for the information! It is called learning curve for a reason, you're right!.
juliiie87juliiie87 on March 27th, 2013 08:50 pm (UTC)
Seconding the comment above, just adding a couple things. Your vagina might tear easily, that's a thing I agree, but still it is NOT a given width. Sex can be difficult, definitely, i've been there, but you can still make your vagina more relaxed than you would think. One way is through arousal, that makes the vagina fill up with blood just like a penis does, and generally make it bigger and looser. Another way it thorugh shifting position : fro me the easiest way to insert (and make sure the cup had the room necessary for it to take in some air and pop open, that's another issue to consider) was lying on my back. I found that lifting my hips upwards slightly contributed to make my vagina "drop open" not unlike a jaw would, lol. Squating though ? definitely makes things tighte. Yet another way to ACTIVELY relax is to bear down, almost as if you were about to pee or poop (no need to go all the way there, but it makes sens that these functions require looseness of the area). you'll need to do this for insertion yes, and also to allow the cup the room to pop open. And if that's not enough, don't be afraid to use your fingers to creat more room and let air in so the cup can "suck on it" and inflate. Good luck !

Edited at 2013-03-27 08:54 pm (UTC)
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 09:09 pm (UTC)
I have tried to insert a finger, but it can't go in without a lot of pain. I have not tried laying down to insert, but it sounds like it might be easier.

Thanks for all the info! :)

*As for the width two fingers inside can touch from one side to the other without having to be separated (like a peace sign). If that makes sense.
juliiie87juliiie87 on March 27th, 2013 09:20 pm (UTC)
Hum if it is painful, then all I can suggest is some kind of lubrication, starting with water, menstrual blood, and possibly water-based lube.

I get where you're coming from, but even for someone who doesn't experience the same pain and difficulty you do... the vagina will still close up around something as tiny as a mini OB tampon, for instance. It's the very nature of it not to stay open most of the time, and to collapse onto itself and just adapt to whaterver you insert (up to a certain size obviously, but a lubed up folded cup should still be possible). And I don't think many people can just shove one or two fingers (or more!) in there whitout some lubrication and some patience, gently pulling flaps out of the way, etc. I definitely experience this need for patience and being gentle when it comes to sex, yet using my cup is now pretty straight forward (granted I have more experience with it now).
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 09:30 pm (UTC)
It feel like when trying to insert a finger that it's forcing, so do I just need to be stretched out more?

I know using a cup shouldn't be this difficult, and I'm probably making it more difficult than it is.
juliiie87juliiie87 on March 27th, 2013 09:43 pm (UTC)
I'd say that's normal up to a point you need to be gentle with yourself and not shove it in too suddenly or forcefully. When I insert my cup, I make sure that it's wet (given you're sensitive I would lather myself up with lube first, unless I was seriously bleeding), and I still have to pull one flap out of the way with my free hand, get it in at an angle according to which flap I pulled, then repeat same on the opposite side, in a sort of 2-move zig-zag motion, to shove it in. I do have to force a tiny bit but not so that it's actually painful. And if you happened to be stressing out while you're doing this, there's a chance you might be unknowingly clenching your muscles, which would make it that much more difficult & painful.

Another couple things I forgot to cover : what fold are you using ? I'd recommend the most tappered, pointy ones : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nt6L-POE-b0 my fav' is the half diamond, real tiny and pointed. Lots of beginners and virgins like the triangle, or possibly origami or punchdown (but that's not the easiest to pop open imo) could work well.

The other thing is the angle. In case you're not familiar with it, remember that the vag slants out at a very slight angle, it doesn't go upward to your belly-button, if that's where your aim you'll end up crashing in your pubic bone, and since it's a bone... it won't give. Practically , you need to aim to your lower back, I'd even say to your a-hole. I hope this helps. And donp0t blame yourself for struggling, it WILL get better !
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 09:49 pm (UTC)
I've been trying in the shower to make things easier. The time I tried outside of the shower went horrible in comparison. Doing it in a 2-move sounds a lot better than what I've been doing. I've sort of just been pushing it in and hoping I get it in before it pops open...I've had it popped open before it was in and it hurt like no tomorrow. That is true...I have been stressed lately and adding this DivaCup hasn't made my life any easier. I will try to relax more.

I have found the punch down is the easiest for me to hold while trying to insert. I don't seem to have enough strength to hold it folded all that well. I find myself using my other hand trying to help push it in.

I keep reading about the angle and how you're suppose to insert horizontally. I could be trying to place it wrong without knowing. I try my hardest to aim straight and not up.

Thanks! It has definitely gotten better with all the help.
juliiie87juliiie87 on March 27th, 2013 09:57 pm (UTC)
The shower is actually tricky, because cleaning down there temporarily gets rid of your natural moisture, which is actually more slipepry than just water (having sex in the shower... it's actually kinda hard!)

No need to hurt yourself if you're sore right now, just give it a rest, cups are patient, it'll wait for as long as you need. Take your time, is probably the best advice. Work with your body, not against it. :)
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 10:04 pm (UTC)
Ah I didn't know that. (I can't have sex in the shower because of the extreme height difference between me and my partner haha)

Thanks :) I will try again tomorrow, I'm sure it will go a lot better knowing all that I do now.
teacupcake89 on March 27th, 2013 09:10 pm (UTC)
what I meant was I personally have difficulty having sex because of how 'small' I am even when very relaxed and lubed up, tearing slightly is pretty common for me after sex too, yet I can use a 'large' sized soft cup, so there's hope! but relaxing is key (keeping your jaw slack and open prevents you from tensing your vagina!)

seconding Julie's advice to bear down slightly for insertion, also try to envisage having sex if (helps me stop thinking of it as a cup!)

more removal tips: Bear down ‘push’ with your muscles until you can get a good hold on the stem and pull/wiggle it down side to side to break the seal until you can get hold of the base with your other hand whilst holding onto the stem. Then: either squeeze the base for 10-20 seconds to release the seal (you might hear a noise) or slide your finger up and press the rim inwards then slide out.

Try to remove the cup diagonally one corner first at the side so not to irritate the urethra and then the rest, keep a hand behind the cup as it comes out so it doesn't 'pop' out and tip up.

You can also partially refold the cup to make it more comfortable for removal: when it is close to the opening make a partial 'C' or ‘punchdown’ fold, using both hands if you need to.
You could also try the 'hot dog in a bun' removal method: cup=bun finger=hot dog, press your finger or thumb inwards and keep it there whilst you slide it out (shouldn't leak unless the cup is over 3/4s full)

If you can’t reach the cup easily: push down hard with your muscles: pretend you are 'giving birth' to the cup/doing a poo' this may take a while, don’t forget to breathe in between pushes and try not to let it 'yo-yo’ back up when you pause to breathe!

this video shows how to remove one corner at a time more effectively than the above!:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLPBZz3uJEg from about 4 minutes in.

don't worry about how long it takes for insertion/removal, with practice you will get loads quicker! It took me 30 minutes at first, now its 1-2 mins :) Good luck :)
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 09:16 pm (UTC)
Oh I see :)

Lol I will definitely try to envisage something other than the cup!

I thought if I tried to fold the cup while removing it would go horrible, but that all makes sense.

Thanks for the video!

Thanks for all the information. You have helped a lot. I am so glad that I have found this website. I feel like I'm not being judged and people are really out there to help. It's nice.

I think from now on I will be less impatient and realize it takes time. Someone once told me "Rome wasn't built in a day"...I will keep this in mind.
teacupcake89 on March 28th, 2013 11:46 am (UTC)
you're welcome, that's what we're here for :)

that's the right idea! it takes most new users at least 3 months to get through the learning, sometimes less, sometimes more.

In terms of other comments suggesting other cups: don't get a new one until you've had several months with your Diva and got through the learning curve, by then you'll know what qualities you want in a new cup and will know if your problems are down to the cup or your technique/experience!

The Diva is one of the longest cups (without the stem) so if it's not sticking out/too long and you can reach it for removal with practice then you've got the right length cup for you!

if after a couple of months you're not having any leakage problems but are still finding the cup presses on your bladder etc then look for a softer cup stiffness comparions here: http://menstrualcupinfo.wordpress.com/cup-stiffness-comparison-chart/ perhaps slightly narrower with good capacity like the small si-bell, small fleurcup, medium or large meluna (the small is more like an xs and doesn't hold much) soft with stem.

I wouldn't suggest the Ladycup to anyone because the low airholes means it does't hold much and the material makes it a slippery bugger for removal. :)

But don't worry about any of this for now! Enjoy your Diva and being able to have stress/leak free periods very soon! :)
sdk006 on March 28th, 2013 11:53 am (UTC)
Thanks :)

I think after some more learning I will get it and hopefully have stress and leak free periods. I will stick with my Diva for now, as I am for sure it will work.
bec_clothcyclebec_clothcycle on March 27th, 2013 09:13 pm (UTC)
Worth trying some KY jelly.. also have read that some women have success lying down as this "drops" the back vaginal wall and helps relaxation.

The divacup does have small suction holes which can make the suction too strong for some on removal - you can try enlarging the holes with clean manicure scissors slightly (not too much)

Give yourself time and try not to rush into buying a new cup, but if you are still having issues with the Diva you may want to look at a shorter cup such as the mini meluna, (but your vagina should accompany most size cups - length is more of an important factor than width)

http://sizecharts.livejournal.com/

I hope you work things out and that you find some important piece of the puzzle in the advice you receive from the community.
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 09:18 pm (UTC)
Thanks for the information. I just now learned that there are many different cups out there and different sizes. I sort of wish I would have known all this before buying my DivaCup. I feel the DivaCup will work in time, or at least I'm hoping!

Thanks so much for all the help. The community has been so great! I feel so welcomed and so many people are reaching out to help makes me feel really great.
pinkmathpinkmath on March 27th, 2013 09:50 pm (UTC)
First off is this a dry run? Or are you on your period? If it's a dry run, I have no advice for you. I'd never gotten them to work.

As for the tightness, I would like to propose a new theory. That the muscles in and around in your vagina and in your hand lack the muscle memory to be comfortable with inserting and removal. You could have your pelvic floor muscles relaxed but you're just not used to using a cup. That's the learning curve. lol.

Have you tried different folds in different positions? I use the labia fold with one foot on the rim of the tub.

I highly recommend using water based lube. I put it on both the cup and me.

For removal, I suggest using the hot dog in a bun method. This is how I do it: I reach in and grab the stem, wiggle it back and forth working it downward. Hold stem with opposite hand. Then with primary hand dent in the cup with index finger (or whatever finger you want to be the 'hot dog') and using other fingers to wrap and hold the cup around you're finger (that's the 'bun'). This takes some getting use to, again muscle memory. You're fingers aren't use to such acrobats.
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 10:09 pm (UTC)
It's not exactly a dry run, I'm spotting, but it's not a full blown period either. So it's an in-between.

Ah I see. The learning curve is training your body to get use to something new.

I have not tried the labia fold, since it seems so large. I will look into it and try it.

My fingers are definitely not use to being acrobats, but I'm sure they will learn. I'm sure it's easy and it's all about practice. I almost feel like I'm learning how to ride a bike.

Thanks for all the help.
carmellahcarmellah on March 27th, 2013 10:11 pm (UTC)
I sense that you might just have a very small/narrow vagina! There is hope though! Meluna makes very small cups. Their "small" is a lot smaller than other brand's "small".

I have a small cyan colored MeLuna with a ring stem. I recently ordered it and it's never been used and I don't really dig the color (I'm a pink gurl lol!)
If you'd like I can send it to you!
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 10:17 pm (UTC)
I think I want to try to get use to my DivaCup, but thank you so much for the offer! I just starting using my DivaCup this week, and I have heard it takes a few menstrual cycles to get use to so perhaps I'm rushing and expect to know it after two days.

I know vaginas come in all shapes and sizes, so I'm sure mine is something haha. I'm not sure if it is narrow or now, not really sure what average is, but the doc said it's all normal. Never been told I have anything high or low or tilted or anything.

Thanks for the help :)
carmellahcarmellah on March 27th, 2013 10:35 pm (UTC)
Aww that's ok, I hope it works out for you! And if it helps any, it really does take the vagina a little while to get used to it and it gets super easy inserting it! I just put mine in today in like 30 seconds lol! Before it took me at least 5 minutes!
Good luck!! <3
sdk006 on March 27th, 2013 10:40 pm (UTC)
Thanks :) With all this support I should be fine. I guess I expected it to happen with one or two tries.

Thanks again!
Jennnakedfaery on March 28th, 2013 10:03 am (UTC)
I've used several cups and the Diva is one of the biggest. If others can't help you resolve your issue I'd recommend buying a smaller cup. I used a small Ladycup pre vaginal birth and it was comfortable. The capacity is quite low though.
sdk006 on March 28th, 2013 10:57 am (UTC)
Thank you for the help! :)