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pinkpearls36
07 August 2012 @ 03:07 pm
My ladycup arrived today. I am very pleased with it and can't wait to actually use it! :-)
I'm a teen, so I do live with my parents and my mother asked me about what I bought. She instantly was disgusted by the idea and kind of creeped out. I ied to explain to her that it's soooo much better than disposables (I mean, really--who wants to sit in their own filth then throw it out in some landfill. That's just downright gross.) My mom is still pretty sketical about it and I know she'll go complaining to my dad about it (he's into medical stuff and works in the field.) This is just going to turn into an embarrassing mess of her making me feel over this when she doesn't even know what she's talking about. She thinks disposables are cleaner and safer #facepalm (obviously she's never done her research.) How do I go about getting through to a stubborn skeptical anti-cup post menopausal lady without letting this get awkward. LOL :D Any tips would be greatly appreciated.
 
pinkpearls36pinkpearls36 on August 7th, 2012 07:23 pm (UTC)
Quick update--they're going to make me send it back. Insane right!?
Meganarwen_17 on August 7th, 2012 07:28 pm (UTC)
How are they ever going to know you sent it back/didn't send it back?

It's not like it's a sex toy... why are they so disapproving?
(no subject) - ozonemama on August 7th, 2012 07:59 pm (UTC) (Expand)
Meganarwen_17 on August 7th, 2012 07:24 pm (UTC)
...well, she'll be saving money by you purchasing this cup... or you will. Either way, it's a significant money savings every year.

I would also explain to her that they use chemicals to bleach the cotton in tampons/pads, which can leach into your body- the vagina being one of the places where toxins are most easily absorbed into the bloodstream. There are few to no risks of infection or toxic shock from the cup.

And the thousands of pounds of landfill you save by using it? Props to you.
Stacie: octopusoffcourse on August 7th, 2012 07:44 pm (UTC)
If she won't listen to what you have to say about it, I would show her a couple of websites with information about them. (Wish I had a good one to suggest, but I know there's stuff out there.)
Charissacharissa on August 7th, 2012 07:44 pm (UTC)
How about you show them this http://www.parrforthecourse.com/2012/03/tale-of-moldy-tampon.html Yeah.. using a moldy tampon is much cleaner and safer.

I dunno, cheaper is the huge win here with cups and cloth pads. It's crazy how much one saves! If you are buying your own products, it's your right.

This is probably the meaner route when the cleaner/less landfill/cheaper route doesn't work, I'd let the conversation get awkward because it's bound to be awkward for them too. Theres bound to be more reasons why it's freaking the parents, is it you sticking a cup inside you is too shocking? It's surprising how many women use cups now, they are selling them in drug stores now, stress she's behind in the times - think how when tampons came out, I imagine people freaked out too.
Kai: 50IsntOldkuradi8 on August 7th, 2012 07:57 pm (UTC)
How is what menstrual product you use any of her business?
pinkpearls36pinkpearls36 on August 7th, 2012 07:58 pm (UTC)
Both of my parents are now really mad at me and they said they will send it back if I don't. My mom is mad because it's not from the us (neither is some disposables, many of our clothes, etc.) I tried to explain to her. I offer to get a diva cup instead since it's made in the us and she says "no, this is just bizarre and weird!" My mom is like "get a hysterectomy if you don't want to use disposables, because there is nothing else" (so untrue.) She just screams at me when I try to show her the websites--she doesn't even know what a cup was until I told her about it. She even talked about grounding me for getting the cup. Grounding me for dong something better for me, the earth, to save my money, etc. I just started crying and praying to God to instill wisdom and patience in her and help her understand. S upset right now I'm literally crying.
Meganarwen_17 on August 7th, 2012 08:04 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry you have to go through this. If she really makes you send it back, order another one and get it sent to a good friend's house who could deliver it to you. Do you have someone you could trust to do this with who would make sure your parents wouldn't find out?

I'm not one to go behind someone's back but it sounds as though your parents are... quite closed-minded.
(no subject) - serpent_849 on August 7th, 2012 09:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pinkmath on August 7th, 2012 09:20 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - m03m on August 8th, 2012 06:48 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - pinkmath on August 8th, 2012 01:44 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - m03m on August 8th, 2012 02:35 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - mallt on August 8th, 2012 05:29 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juliiie87 on August 8th, 2012 06:02 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juliiie87 on August 7th, 2012 10:14 pm (UTC) (Expand)
pinkpearls36pinkpearls36 on August 7th, 2012 08:30 pm (UTC)
I bought it with a gift card--my parents say I have to return it and if the company will not accept it, I must throw it away and pay my parents double what the cup cost. My mom keeps screaming at me and won't listen. This is going to be so awkward and embarrassing once she brings it up with my dad. Ugh, i wish they'd just give it a chance.

I'm on my parents health insurance plan and she says it doesn't matter if I paid for the cup, since I'm on her insurance, so she gets to decide whether or not a keep the cup (not true.) Some Americans stay on until they are 26 and they can choose what to use on their bodies. Plus, like some others said--it's not like a bought a sex toy, got pregant or anything like that. I'm a virgin, am strictly anti-premarital sex, and quite responsible. I even tried a free sample of the softcup a rep at my student center gave me.

This is the most ridiculous thing ever.
Serpent: neutralserpent_849 on August 7th, 2012 09:22 pm (UTC)
definitely tell her that your student center gave you that sample!!! she might finally realized that cups are not freaky and there ARE tons of people who use them.

and yes, try not to bring it up for some time. just have more arguments ready next time, those that matter to her not to you:)

also if you're confident about your choice, don't suggest using a diva instead, it's so different. you may want to show her that they're sold in stores, maybe ask a consultant about it (but she might be like: of course they say good things about it, they sell them! at least she'll have to be polite, though).
(no subject) - theloudcafe on August 7th, 2012 09:30 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(Deleted comment)
(no subject) - moonhoney925 on August 9th, 2012 04:16 am (UTC) (Expand)
Quinn Elisequinnthevixen on August 7th, 2012 08:48 pm (UTC)
Wow, your body is so not her business! A cup is not going to be harmful in any way; it's far safer than a lot of the other options. I hope everyone comes to their senses about this, and I hope this doesn't put you off using cups in the future. Sorry you're dealing with this!
Kai: 2Cupskuradi8 on August 7th, 2012 09:02 pm (UTC)
At this point DROP THE CONVERSATION. Give your Mom time to cool off (and come to her senses?) And don't bring it up unless she does. Maybe your Dad will have a better outlook on things and/or be more open-minded. He probably doesn't know about cups so suggest (once and then drop it) that he Google them.

The more you argue, the more your parents (and seemingly especially your Mom) will want to WIN. The best defense is a defiant silence.
pinkpearls36pinkpearls36 on August 7th, 2012 10:13 pm (UTC)
Thanks so much everyone! :-) I really appreciate it and am definitely not going to let their insanity turn me away from trying the cup when I'm older.

No, none of their reasons why I can't have it are logical nor correct. They are trying anything and everything to sound right when they aren't. My mom threw the cup in the trash and continues to be mad a me. My dad was actually pretty calm about it and says "if it was truly better than disposables why isn't it on TV and the mainstream media?"

After mentioning the fact that disposables aren't as clean or safe (TSS wise) as the cup is, my mom goes on another irrational tangent saying how I must want the cup because I'm afraid of disposables so I have a phobia disorder. I recently started taking vitamins and changing my diet around (avoiding meat and animal products from animals treated with hormones) and things like that. It's helped relieve my cramps. My parents say this is goofy and the cup has been the straw that broke the camel's back in me trying to do something beneficial for myself. I can't wait until I'm out on my own. I'm really upset by all of this, but trying to put itin perspective. There's orphans around the world that have been forced into slavery because the have no parents to protect them, grown women forced to abort their children, etc. and my parents are forcing me t throw out the lady cup. I could try to buy another myself (or sneak the lady cup from the trash) but I'm worried they'll be even more upset. Right now what they are doing isn't right, but in the end, the good always win.
juliiie87juliiie87 on August 7th, 2012 10:21 pm (UTC)
This is the point when one realises that our parents are irrational beings too, sometimes, and that sometimes we can't agree with them / have them see the truth, so at this point, I would have gone behind their back and just lived my personnal life, avoid the topic completely, and still keep a good relationship and respect them, folow their advice about anything else, but the given topic.

You are a teenager, soon to be an adult, and you are entiteld to some privacy after all. Whether they like it or not. But that's just my way of looking at it, thank god I'm 25.
(no subject) - serpent_849 on August 7th, 2012 10:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - tempestas_inu on August 7th, 2012 10:56 pm (UTC) (Expand)
moonhoney925 on August 8th, 2012 02:52 am (UTC)
Oh my, I really feel like giving you a hug. Your Mom sounds similar to mine- it's her way or the highway, very stubborn. I can really sympathise with you. I am now 37YO and my Mom still tries to control parts of my life especially where my kids are concerned. She does not know about Menstrual Cups and she's not going to. I had enough problems trying to convince her that tampons were better than sanitary pads 20 odd years ago. I was going to be damned to hell if I ever used them. I don't think her outlook has changed BTW I used tampons from 18 until January this year.

My advice is to talk to your Dad first and not in front of your Mom, believe it or not Dads can be more understanding. Yours should be if he's in the medical field. Dads know that their daughters get periods even though its women's business. She's going to talk to him anyway so its better for you to approach him first. Also who knows, he may even side with you from the start.

Your Student Center could also help, particularly if that's where you got your sample cup from. The other thing you could do is take her to a drug store (one that stocks menstrual cups of course) and have the pharmacist explain to her. From experience if a professional tells her its ok then she is more likely to believe them over you. Trust me on that one.

I hope I've helped.

Edited at 2012-08-08 02:56 am (UTC)
m03m on August 8th, 2012 02:37 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry your parents are being so unreasonable! It makes no sense at all. I guess people can be very much stuck in their ways... and anything that's new can't be good. :-/

Hang in there, you'll find a way. If not now, then later.
moonhoney925 on August 9th, 2012 12:03 am (UTC)
Oh, it sounds like your Dad is as bad as your Mom. Yikes. I got into to trouble for stupid things when I was younger too and to this day I wonder why... anyway.

This is what I think you should do (kind of been there, done that).
1.) Try to get the cup out of the trash.
2.) Keep it in your school locker.
3.) Do tell your student center about it. Ask if they could sterilise it for you too since its been in the trash. You don't need to sterilise it afterwards.

If unfortunately you cannot retrieve your cup then maybe ask someone at your student center if a new one can be mailed there. Obviously they are supportive of you.

Just curious but I get the idea that your family is religious. If that's the case try to speak to your priest/pastor/rabbi/etc about how unreasonable your parents are, this might make you feel a little better (kind of had to do that to).

Good luck :)
mallt on August 9th, 2012 03:52 am (UTC)
This is just a suggestion, I wouldn't normally propose someone go against their parents but sometimes in life when you have an obstacle in your path you have to go around it.

If you do/did manage to retrieve the cup:
As someone else suggested keep it out of the house when you're not using it.
Tell your parents that after the research you have done you are not comfortable using disposable product internally or against the sensitive parts of your body... say the idea of tampons leaving fibres in your body freaks you out (it did me!). Say that you want to use fabric pads. When you have your period, use the cup & when it's time to empty it pour some of the blood onto a pad & then "rinse it out" ready to go in the wash.
If your mother finds the idea of reusable fabric pads icky, well she should have let you use the cup.
If she balks at fabric pads you'll have to do the same thing but with disposable pads... wasteful? Yes but you can probably get away with throwing away fewer than you would if you were actually using them... they'll be in the trash & no one will be the wiser.

If you didn't manage to rescue you cup, PM me.
moonhoney925 on August 9th, 2012 04:28 am (UTC)
@mallt- fantastic idea!!! Cloth pads, brilliant.

You could make a couple yourself if you don't want to buy any- 1 layer waterproof material (like an old umbrella, umbrella cover, etc), 1 layer microfiber (you probably have some at home), 1 layer flannel. If they end up in the bin, oh well. You could always argue since you made them yourself, they are USA made.

I wish I had a spare cup to give you but unfortunately I don't. I use the larger sizes as well.
(no subject) - juliiie87 on August 9th, 2012 01:07 pm (UTC) (Expand)
pinkpearls36pinkpearls36 on August 10th, 2012 05:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks for all the ideas, comments and funny remarks--I really appreciate them all. :-)

Even though they can't be returned, my parents said they got a return label and sent it back.

I asked about lunapads and my mom was like "ewww, that is so gross." When I first started, I asked her about tampons and she would not let me have them until one day when I wanted to go swimming and I needed them. She thinks of me as her little baby girl, so anything even close to phallic resemblance "going down there", is a big scare to her. I'm thinking about using OB tampons until I'm out on my own and able to get a cup. Pads are so uncomfortable and the disposables irritate my skin and require I buy them every month (which is always so awkward.) Ugh, if only the let me kept the cup I bought.

I made a list with all the facts about why cups are better (with sources) and even a news article featuring an Olympic swimmer that is teaming up with Diva Cups to increase publicity about them. My parents (especially my mom) won't even listen and I'm afraid if I show it to them or email the list to them, they'll get mad and try to ground me. My mom already told her friends how annoyed she is over "pink pearls (not my actual name) bought this weird gimmick thing online from another country." and they all believe her. :-(

About the American made thing--some want to bring manufacturing back to the US to create jobs, stimulate the economy and all that. They understand we can make everything, but are tired of seeing factories go overseas. Some are very ethnocentric and believe all international factories are like the sweatshops the media makes them out to be. The cups are made in high end labs to medical grade standards, yet we buy electronics and toys that are made in sweatshops. So many people are uneducated about this kind of stuff and just believe what the media tells them. Some people don't trust things unless they are "FDA approved" which is a joke because the FDA has failed us so many times that other countries no longer trust it. My parents are just trying anything they can to sound right when they really aren't.

This is all so ridiculous. I'm going to be a 40-year-old single virgin that's still wearing disposable pads because of them. :D They'll probably like move right next to me and make sure I'm not dating anyone before I'm married. ROFL :D
juliiie87juliiie87 on August 10th, 2012 06:06 pm (UTC)
I'm very sorry to hear your parents are so stubborn. Just like I said, they are real, average people with their own beliefs and superstitions, not the heroes we portray them when we are little.

But guess what, you are your own person too, and in a few years, you'll be able to make your own decisions ! I'd say by the time you're 18, you'll be good to go ! So there is hope ! If you need to keep using tampons for a few years, look into the organic, all cotton ones, since they cary a lesser risk of TSS. About this, you'll find information (and testimonies if you ever wish to bring it up with your parents) on youareloved.org.
pinkpearls36pinkpearls36 on August 10th, 2012 06:28 pm (UTC)
Thanks--I'll try to find applicator free organic tampons.

Basically my list of plans/options goes...

Plan A: email the fact sheet with sources I made to my parents. After that, show them the Diva cup offered online from this credible store they know about.

Plan B: Talk them into letting me use organic applicator free tampons

Plan C: either find a way to get to the local health food store that carries them or order online from the other store (this would risk them asking what I bought and sending it back or throwing it out.)

Plan D: Once I get the cup, secretly use it and when they notice I'm no longer using many disposables, say I stopped getting "it" or am really irregular, so they'll take me to the doctor and then I can explain to the doctor tha Im actually using the cup, and pray she'll know enough about them to explain it to my mom.

I'm praying I only need to go to plan A and they stop being ridiculous at that point.
teacupcake89 on August 10th, 2012 08:09 pm (UTC)
I just want to say that you should be very very proud of yourself for handling the whole situation so calmly and dignified :):)

I can't remember if you have a low cervix or not but if you do don't get a Diva because it's one of the longest cups out there (sadly the only one readily available in shops in the US) :)

could you get a new cup or one from mc_sales sent to a friends house?

If you end up having to talk to/see a doctor, make sure you go and see the doctor beforehand so you can explain the situation without your mom there. Also, most doctors haven't heard of cups or know very little so it would be good to do this beforehand so your mom doesn't say 'the doctor would know about it if they were safe etc etc' :)

re the organic tampons, you could say that a friend recently got TSS so you are looking at other alternatives.

If you manage to get another cup I second the suggestion to empty it onto a pad(s) and continue as though you only use pads untill you are old enough/in a situation where you don't need your parents approval. :)

big big hugs! know that we are all behind you, stay strong! :)
(no subject) - moonhoney925 on August 11th, 2012 02:31 am (UTC) (Expand)
(no subject) - juliiie87 on August 11th, 2012 02:57 pm (UTC) (Expand)