So I read the instructions and did my best to insert my cup. I was surprised how quickly it worked! It popped while I was putting it in the first time, and seemed to settle itself (I tried to do the whole 360 degree turning thing, but couldn't get a good grip) inside my body. There was some minor cramping, but nothing serious. It felt, well, great. I sort of fell in love immediately. I felt secure, and there were NO leaks. I slept with it with no issue, woke up to a clean panty liner. Yay! And then, I tried to get it out.
And tried. And tried.
I reread the instructions. I squatted. I pushed, I gripped, but the thing is damn slippery. Also, I could barely get a hold of it. It felt like it was way up there and not really super near to the edge of my vagina like it's supposed to be. Even with my longest finger, I couldn't get it. Finally, because I was panicking and my husband had to go to work, he fished it out. But even he had trouble, and I had to lie down in the tub for him to get it out (we tried standing up, but he couldn't get at it either).
I was devastated. For the next day, questions rolled through my mind. Did I put it in wrong? Should I have tried to keep it closer to the entrance of the vagina? Is my canal super long? I have never found my cervix, and neither has (ahem) my husband. But I am also determined. I did pads/tampons for a day and wanted to kill myself. I have an 8 month old. I can't deal with that and a more than a week (yes, eight goddamn days) of this every month. I missed the cup even though I'd only tried it once. So I asked my husband if he would (ahem) support me if I put this thing inside me again and couldn't get it out and he said of course (he is super supportive, even though I know this time of the month is something that skeeves him out a bit).
So it's back in. Like, right now. It feels great. I also feel like my body just sucks it in and positions it itself no matter what I do, so trying to keep it closer to the entrance didn't work. I tried to see if I could get it out myself about a half hour later and all I got was a pained wrist and no cup. I just can't seem to get in there far enough to grab it. In 11 hours, I have to get it out again and I don't know what I'm going to doooooo waaaah, first world problems a bloo bloo. Please help me.
TTYL because ZOMG WHY DID I WRITE A NOVEL ABOUT A FEMININE DEVICE: I can't get this thing out, what am I doing wrong.