I ended up getting a Keeper Moon Cup and it came in two days (like whoa fast!). I'm not expecting a period for three weeks so I'm kind of bummed that I don't get to use it yet. I did a dry run with a c-fold and it popped into place instantly! I squatted, kicked high, straddled, and it didn't even budge! Getting out was...a little tough, and the suction release felt a little funny, but it came out. I noticed the stem sticks out a little too far, do most people trim them?
Thank god this community exists, thanks for your help with my choice in cups!